英语幽默小故事
日期:2012-04-01 附件下载:
  

Grandpa will pay the bill

 Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards. "With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."

爷爷给我付账

一个漂亮的女孩走到百货公司的布料柜台,说:我想要买这种料子来做一条新裙子,多少钱?” “每码只需要一个吻。男售货员说着,带着奸笑的表情很好,女孩说,我要十码。带着期待的表情,售货员很快地量好了布料,包裹好,一脸奸笑地送了过来。女孩很快收起了包裹,微笑着指向了一个站在她身边的老头:爷爷给我付账。

 

 

Always Share

An old couple went into a restaurant and ordered something to eat: one Coca Cola and one portion of French fries. The old man sat down and the woman, his wife, sat opposite him, and he began to divide the Coca Cola into two glasses, half for him and half for his wife. He divided all the French fries half-and-half. He gave half to his wife and kept half for himself. Then he began to eat and drink, and the woman just drank but didn't eat. There was a young man who was standing next to the table and wondering why the old man had divided everything in half, and he thought that maybe they didn't have any money. He said to the old couple, "Okay, I can buy you one more portion; you don't have to share like that." So the old man explained, "No, no, no, we have been married for forty years and we always share everything. Whatever we have, we share half and half. Don't worry, but thank you, anyhow." But then after a while, he saw that the woman wasn't eating eat, and only the man ate, and he asked, "Why aren't you eating?" And the wife said, "Today it's his turn to use the teeth."

分享一切

 有一对老夫妇到速食店去,叫了一罐可乐和一份薯条。然后他们面对面坐下来,那位老先生先把可乐分成两杯,一杯给他自己,另一杯给他太太。接着他又将薯条分成两份,一份给他太太、一份给自己。然后他开始吃薯条、喝可乐,但是他的太太只是喝可乐,不吃薯条。一个年轻人刚好站在旁边,看到老先生把每样食物都分成两半,觉得很奇怪,他想或许他们没有钱,便跟老夫妇说:我可以再买一份给你们,你们就不用这样分了。老先生解释说:不、不!我们结婚四十年了,一直都是分享每件事物,什么东西都是一个人分一半。不用担心我们,不过还是谢谢你的好意。过了一会儿,他看只有老先生吃着薯条,老太太没吃,便问老太太:你为什么都不吃呢?老太太说:今天轮到他用牙齿。

 

 

 

Keys Or Kiss

A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States.After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.

钥匙还是接吻

我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。他们都是新近来美国生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后,他请全班同学给他挑出尺子,书本,钢笔等。课进行得井然有序,学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣,也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生,我的朋友说:给我钥匙。那人看起来非常吃惊,也有点手足无措。看到这种情况,我的朋友想是他没有听清楚,于是又重复了一遍:给我钥匙。那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着,他伸出胳膊搂住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下。

 

 

Americans have a strong sense of humor

Because everyone has ancestors, family and friends of every possible race, color, creed and national origin, and because sensitivity to such differences has reached unprecedented tenderness in recent years, it is considered rude to tell a joke that perpetuates an ethnic, social, religious, sexual, or racial stereotype. Nevertheless that still leaves plenty of material for humor, such as occupation, political persuasion, or region of origin. For example: A Texan was boasting to an Arkansan about his ranch. "Why, my ranch is so big," he said, "that if I start out in my truck in the morning to drive around it, it’s night by the time I get home." The Arkansan nodded understandingly and said, "Yep. I had a truck like that once." The only group detested enough to be a suitable butt for barbed humor is lawyers. Lawyers are unpopular because they’re only consulted in times of distress. Any lawyer joke is sure to draw a laugh. "Did you hear that medical laboratories have started using lawyers instead of white rats? There are more of them and there are some things even a laboratory rat just won’t do." Politicians are also fair game, but since approximately two-thirds of the nation’s congressional representatives are law school graduates, such jokes are really just a subset of the ’lawyer’ canon.

美国人是很幽默的

由于各人的祖先,家庭和朋友都有各自不同的种族,肤色,宗教信仰和民族渊源,又由于人们对这种不同之处的敏感在近几年来已经达到空前微妙的地步,因此,讲带有民族,社会,宗教,性或种族类别的笑话就被认为是很不礼貌的事。尽管如此,能构成幽默的素材仍然不少,如职业,政治信仰或出身地等。例如:

有一个得克萨斯人对一个阿肯色人吹嘘自己的牧场。嗨,我的牧场可大了,他说,要是我早上开着卡车出门饶它走一圈,回到家时就是夜晚了。那阿肯色人点了点头,满理解的样子,说,是啊,我有过一辆卡车也是那么大。唯一的一帮不讨人喜欢而适宜当讽刺幽默靶子的人是律师。律师之所以不得人心是因为人们只是在烦恼的时候才去找他们。任何有关律师的笑话肯定是引人发笑的。你听说了吗?医学实验室已经不用白鼠而开始用律师了。律师比白鼠多。而有些事就是实验室的老鼠也做不了的。政治人物也是被讽刺的对象,不过既然约三分之二的国会议员都是法学院的毕业生,这些笑话也就是律师全集中的分册而已了。